The heart of a lone wolf.
There's something within me that just forces me to go through life alone. A lone wolf mentality that makes me drive away friends and acquaintances and people near me. Once they get too close, something starts within me and makes me want to disappear from them. Close friends I had before, I left without a trace. Friends that are looking for me and found me, I still try to keep at bay.
That is why I have no qualms leaving this place and move on somewhere else.
And yet, this man loves. This man yearns for companionship. And this feeling and my other inner drive just mix and push my mind off the deep end.
I'm a real selfish man. And a weak one too. I sometimes can't control these inner demons. I leave people who need me and want me near them. But I want to be near people who I want to be with.
I guess, I'm just a man who has been through much hurt and pain and it still matters to me somehow. Any chance hurt and pain appears, I try to stay away from it. Whether I'm the one who causes it or the one who receives it.
But in the end, I still try. I know it's not enough I try only in my mind to rectify my errors, but I still try. Bear with me.
Now, I'm starting to rejoin the wolf pack of society. Be a head of the pack even. My inner lone wolf tries to destroy that newly born drive. But yes, I try. Try and crush that dark spirit that has haunted me for so very, very long.
I have my own pride now. A wolf pack I call my own. And I will protect them to the death.
-Myself, as a wolf-
It may not mean anything to you guys. That was my heart which spoke a while ago. And my heart, and everything it loves, means everything to me.
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3 comments:
don't blame yourself too much, hun. you can't help the way you were raised.
if it's any consolation, you're the only one who turned out anywhere near human. at least you know how to love, and to care.
it's only your pride that makes your lone wolf resurface from time to time. you have to let go of the "should've been's" and focus on the NOW.
besides, quality, not quantity. a few true friends are worth more than a hundred fair-weather ones.
we love you. always remember that.
Papi, i love you man. and that comes from deep down in my heart. you're one of the few people whom i can confide with in this life.
we are here for you always.
Guys, your words mean a whole lot to me. And I cannot thank you enough. Hope I can make it up to you guys.
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